Fatherhood Reflects God’s Fatherhood
Fatherhood isn’t just an earthly relationship—it’s a divine reflection. Ephesians 3:14-15 teaches that all fatherhood finds its source in God the Father. The Greek words patera (Father) and patria (family) highlight this connection. Earthly fathers represent the Heavenly Father, especially to their own households.
J.W. Alexander noted that a father’s spiritual life sets the tone for the entire family. If he is cold or indifferent, the whole house feels the chill. Fathers are thermostats—they set the spiritual temperature in the home.
C.S. Lewis once said that George MacDonald’s relationship with his father shaped his understanding of God. MacDonald learned that fatherhood is at the core of the universe. A godly father, through his daily actions, preaches a living sermon about God the Father. Conversely, the absence of godly fatherhood leaves a profound ache.
The Two Forms of Fatherlessness
Fatherlessness comes in two forms: absence and abdication.
An absent father may be gone due to death, abandonment, or unjust family court rulings. His empty chair at the dinner table speaks volumes. His absence leaves silence where there should be love and guidance.
An abdicating father is physically present but emotionally and mentally checked out. He’s distracted, disengaged, and distant. The dinner table chair isn’t empty, but the silence is just as loud.
Both scenarios provoke deep questions about fatherhood and, ultimately, about God Himself.
Do Not Provoke, But Instruct
Ephesians 6:4 gives fathers two commands—one negative, one positive:
“Do not provoke your children to anger.”
“Bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”
This is the core of fatherhood.
Do Not Provoke Your Children to Anger
Fathers are warned not to exasperate or embitter their children. Colossians 3:21 expands on this: “Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.”
Provocation can take many forms, but three common ones are:
The Exacting Father:This father demands perfection. He forgets his children are young, fragile, and fallen. He nitpicks and expects them to meet impossible standards. But Psalm 86:15 reminds us that God is “slow to anger and abundant in lovingkindness.” Fathers must mirror this patience.
The Fault-Finding Father:This father is always critical, rarely affirming. He highlights failures but ignores victories. Children under this type of father grow up weighed down by discouragement. Fathers must celebrate their children’s achievements, no matter how small, and model humility by confessing their own failures.
The Fickle Father:This father is inconsistent. His expectations and rules change constantly. His children don’t know what’s required of them, and this breeds confusion and frustration. Fathers must lead with clear principles rather than an endless list of rules. Consistency brings stability.
John Calvin warns that harsh and unkind fathers lose their children’s hearts. Children naturally love and seek their father’s approval, but repeated denial of that approval hardens them.
Bring Them Up in Discipline and Instruction
The second half of Ephesians 6:4 gives the positive command: “Bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”
Discipline:Discipline isn’t just punishment—it’s correction and formation. The goal is not mere retribution but restoration. Biblical discipline is both firm and loving, guiding children back to the path of righteousness.
Instruction:Instruction requires words. Fathers must teach their children the truths of Scripture. But instruction isn’t just formal; it’s also informal. Deuteronomy 6:4-8 paints a picture of total-life discipleship—teaching happens at the table, on walks, at bedtime, and throughout everyday moments.
J.C. Ryle emphasizes the need for love in both discipline and instruction. Anger might scare a child into obedience, but love wins their hearts. Fear drives children into secrecy and hypocrisy. Love fosters openness and trust.
Fathers must cherish their children, showing affection and encouragement. A father who hugs his children, praises them, and listens to them builds their confidence and courage.
At the same time, Calvin warns against indulgence. Love must not prevent correction. Discipline without affection breeds resentment, but affection without discipline breeds entitlement.
The Example of a Father
Children are natural imitators. Paul understood this when he wrote, “Be imitators of me, as I am of Christ” (1 Corinthians 4:16). Fathers must model faith, repentance, and obedience. Children are always watching, and hypocrisy is poison to instruction.
Teaching combines words and example. Instruction explains, and example validates. If fathers teach one thing and live another, their teaching loses power.
Fathers must lead their children in repentance. When they fail—and they will—they must confess their sins to their children. This humility teaches children that grace is real and repentance is normal.
Practical Application of Instruction
Instruction happens both formally and informally:
Formally: Family devotions, Scripture reading, and intentional teaching times. Fathers must prioritize these rhythms in their homes.
Informally: Teaching happens in the in-between moments—after a movie, during a walk, or when the family sees an ambulance and stops to pray. Jesus discipled His followers along the road; fathers should do the same.
The Lifelong Call of Fatherhood
Fatherhood is not a short-term assignment—it’s the work of a lifetime. Fathers aren’t called to be perfect, but they are called to be faithful. Their children don’t need superheroes; they need real men who love God, love their families, and refuse to quit.
If fathers embrace their role, homes will grow strong. Strong homes build strong churches. Strong churches bring hope to society.
God works through imperfect men to accomplish great things. Fathers, your children don’t need a flawless dad—they need a Christian dad who keeps showing up, keeps leading, and keeps pointing them to their Heavenly Father.
This is your calling. Step into it with courage, humility, and love.
Michael Foster is the pastor of East River Church and a graduate of Greenville Presbyterian Theological Seminary. He and his wife, Emily, live with their eight children on a small farm in Batavia, OH.